I was trying to figure out, as I read this, why it was all so familiar-sounding. Then I got it: you posted it before. It's like three posts down!

Since you've gone and put all my tips under some sort of deadly serious writer light, I guess I will try to be serious in my response: I like this story. I still, however, am not a big fan of second-person narration. I think you make it work well in the first and third story, with the end of the third story (and, I guess, the end of the greater story as a whole) being very very strong. "I believe that it will sound like a bellowing moan" stuck with me; it's really well done.

My thoughts could, of course, be coloured by the lack of spaces between your paragraphs, however. It makes things much harder to read!

Also, to dispel some possible myths:

-I have written in the second person
-I have written across gender
-My last name is spelled with two t's.